I Have Questions

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I Have Questions

Post by imavessel »

This isn't a dream question, rather just questions & I didn't know where else to put it.

How many out there are without a church home? Who of you choose to remain that way & why? Is anyone dissolusioned with some or much of what they see of "churches" and/or organized religion? Why? What good do you see? What not so good do you see?

Before this goes on, I want to say, there is NOTHING in me that wants to put a dividing line between any of us here! & Also for the record, I am a person that loves church.

I just have questions. Not about God, about everything that is or is supposed to be Him around us. & I have questions because my heart and my thoughts were very much for being placed in somewhere, so that I would have that closer than a brother fellowship with a whole body of people that believe as I do . . . and are working together for one purpose---His. At this time though, I do NOT have a church home. I do, however, have fellowship, etc. on a regular basis with other believers.

I haven't had a "home church" since the end of 2009. :( Well, I take that back. I was in a church I felt led to (by a dream actually) and was there for awhile. -But then no longer felt to be there. Wasn't the people, the teaching, . . . at the time didn't know if whatever I was there for was over, or it was just me.

But I spent the whole year of 2010 "visiting" ---from place to place to place, sometimes re-visiting and occasionally going back.

Then had that fairly short stint in one . . . only to end up now visiting again . . . place to place to place.

In the beginning this really was upsetting. I wanted to be planted. Somewhere---- But admittedly now, I do not feel the need in the same way I did . . .

& I am not sure what is wrong with my eyes, if anything is, but I started "seeing things" ---- that I did not see before.

Not at the churches I visit, just in general, and on some (not all) of the programs I have watched.

It is not a judgement thing. Giving benefit of the doubt to everyone, I tend to think that everyone I see standing up trying to do something for God, preaching, teaching, etc., does have Him. & We all struggle in some area, some of us (me) probably many.

There are certain things I turn on and it almost makes me mad. Like carnival barkers . . . hammering the money and products but concentrating little on the Lord that it's all supposed to be about.

I believe in tithing and offering. & believe me, I know, from having been involved deeply in ministry before- that it DOES TAKE money to do many of the things that people are doing to bring the Word to all the four corners of the globe. I know this. Yet some, a few anyway, anytime I turn on, my stomach is just almost sick.

& Then I see others, where it's about you---or me-----little said about Him at all. It's about how to be in line for all the blessings God wants for you. & I know He does. Yet, somehow He seems cheapened in the process.

Are ALL churches or programs like this, NO! But it's like something was peeled from my eyes and it seems to upset my heart. Even to the point of anger.

& Some of the things I see, I want no part of at all . . .

I will be brutally honest with you. I am not totally where I need to be, and I know this. Yet, some things we can use our logic for, thinking He'd want to work on this or that---is not necessarily the things He seems to be working on in me right now. & The places I thought were "set" are not.

& I have felt a shifting inside------ where I no longer feel guilt ridden if I do not make it to a service. & I am aware that many, especially all those I co-labored with in one church particularly for over 7 years . . . now seem to look at me as if I have lost God all together. But- God hasn't told me that. The holy Spirit, to my own surprise actually, hasn't brought conviction to me for not settling down somewhere. The thing is, I have not felt "led" to.

& Like I said earlier, it bothered me at first. -But now it really doesn't. So why? Is it me? Or is it something else?

I was never one that thought that you had to be in church to have God. I was, however, one that believed it was much much better if you were. & I equated the little "c" church with that scripture of how we are not to neglect . . . And I still believe it provides edification, accountability, and fellowship------ so that we, as a coroporate body can keep walking out His purpose.

But I am not there. Am I not "in it"?

& If I am not, then why does He have me continue to do the bread ministry most Satudays, . . . why has He expanded instead of depleted . . . why do I feel led to get three songs on CD, that I need to vocally prepare and feel led to make a rolling video---- and "be prepared to speak" . . . ?

It did not come from me.

Have I, in essence, set myself apart . . .

Or has He set me in this place for this season?

As I wrtote here two or three times, a year ago or more I was listening to many preachers/teachers etc. at work. (It feed me while I do some very taxing, tedious things & helps the time go by)

& After the third one or so, I just felt this waft of frustration come up from inside. I actually physically rolled my seat back and cried out to God, "God, is ANY of this even real!?!?!?" & I didn't mean Him. & I know He knew I didn't mean Him. Cause He said to me something like: "Well do you have Me?" (Yes-) "That's all you need." Anotherwards, it didn't matter if these I were watching were or were not. That what mattered is I had Him . . .

Then He started reminding me of the "simplicity of the gospel" . . .
and how often we, as humans, just seem to complicate the heck out of it.

That He came, and walked, talked, supped with, prayed for and showed Himself real, so that they would know He was and be able to come into relationship . . . so that they could then go and walk and talk and sup and pray for---so He could show Himself real, so that others could know and come into relatiohsip, . . .

so that they could walk and talk and sup and pray for- & He could show Himself real, so that they might know Him and be able to come into relationship with. . . .

so that they could go and walk and talk and sup and pray for - and He could show Himself real, so that "I" might know Him and be able to come into relationship . . .

SO THAT I COULD GO . . . and walk, and talk, and sup and pray for . . . so that He can show Himself real, so that they can know Him and come into relationship with . . .

So that they can go . . . . etc.

That there was a simplicity in the most valuable thing that we could even ever take part in . . .

I believe God wants to bless. I believe He wants us to be the best we can be. I believe that believing in Him doesn't have to be boring or staunched in tradition, and for those that are drawn to that---it's fine. But I also believe that even when things are "good things", . . . if they are the focus and He is not, . . . then it is askew at best.

I think that's why I have come to love the bread ministry. It is hard work. But in me, I don't believe it is ONLY a "good work". I think the attitude of the heart is the difference.

But in it are all sections of society. All colors, all ages. All working for a purpose---- and all brought into it by Him.

Can sinners and non-believers do "good works". Sure. God uses sinners and even non-believers all the time.

But no one that shows up is turned away. No one says you have to meet this criteria so that you can do this work God has set before us.

It's more, dig in. .. . do whatever you can. Work like it's all up to you, but know that it is all God.

Rain and sleet and snow and hot weather---trucks roll. People bundle up or de-bundle and sacrifice time and energy and money and gas to make sure that bread gets taken all over this state, and even others.

It isn't pretty. No one is "recognized". No one is elevated to a lofty position. It's a brass tacks, hands and feet kind of ministry.

& To be honest, not more than a few of all the people I take to who gives it away (mostly churches) have any interest at all to actually go get bread . . .

& About the time I have ever gotten disheartened over that, God has straightened ME out, not them . . . :)

On Why do I do it------ for them? what people think? Or for Him? Ooooh, ouch . . . point taken. & Then amazingly, I am back in the right mindset and the right frame of heart.

It very much reminds me of when Jesus walked the earth. He walked by the water and saw these fishermen and He said simply, "Follow Me". . . . and they did.

There wwas no preparing for, it was a learn as you go kind of thing.

So back the the original list of questions. I just really do have some.

What is the church? How should we be operating? IS IT better or not to be within the walls? Does it matter? & if it is better-----who is missing something . . . the ones that are still in, . . . or the ones that for whatever reason, find themselves out?

Or are we all okay and is there paths in different places?

Just really have all these "wonderings" and not sure that it is me. In a way I think He has awakened something that was there before but in "different" form.

Maybe it is a mission mindedness----- and knowing the mission field is actually outside the doors or our houses and cars and yes, even the church buildings. I'm not sure.

But when I ask these things, I actually would love to hear everyone on this. I am not asking to make points. I am asking because in some ways one (me) ends up feeling like they'e (I'm) on the outside looking in at many of the people they (I) am supposed to be a part of. & Some have issue with me and many do not. & I, honestly, don't know why I am currently in what sometimes feels like a very "odd" path.

This is one reason I continue to come here (the site) even though my dreams are not prevelant at this time. (It seems to go like that----many in a row and then nothing for awhile and then back to many in a row, etc.)

Well, divine appointments and non-divine appointments await me, so for now, I will go.

By the way, I am still "happy". :) Alot running through my mind though. :)
Last edited by imavessel on Tue Dec 20, 2011 2:57 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Post by imavessel »

To sum it up. I am not sure why I am not in one. Yet, even though sometimes it makes no sense to me, . . . I also don't feel I am without God. & Have almost come to realize that for me, and I am only speaking about me, . . . I think I see more "church" or belief outside of it.

Or maybe that's the wrong way to say. Maybe I feel more akin now outside the walls----

because I see that my purpose is not inside them.

?????? !!!!!!!! ???????

Some would, and have said "devil's trick". & I have wrestled that wondering.

All I can say, is that for now, I am where I am and I "feel" I still am in Him and He in me.

So one day at a time and the next task at hand that I feel led to.

I don't know what else to do.

But I welcome words- and prayers and if anyone feels so compelled----- instruction and or advice.

:) God bless
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Go to church?

Post by Servantleader »

I have been outside of the institutional church for over 10 years with the exception of 1 year where God placed me in a teaching ministry at a Baptist church. The community of the church does have its pluses, however, we must guard against legalism - and understand that God has people everywhere.

There is a distinct difference between children of God and sons of God. Sons of God are the more mature of the two. Because of their maturity they generally get "sent forth" for the "work of the ministry". Congregating in and of itself, is not ministry even with all that goes on. God is interested in the souls of all mankind! (John 3:16) His goal is for those in the church to mature to sons of God and reproduce into others. Seed time and harvest. The reason the harvest outweighs the laborers is because most of the would-be laborers don't know what God expects of them - so they are primarily "multitudinal". They are not of those who will be among the "go ye therefore" guys. It's ok, because Jesus already said there are some who can't follow Me. So you let those sit in the church until the "disciples" (those who are fully trained and ready to go) come back.

Could it be that you are now in the "sent forth" mode???
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Post by Warrior Princess »

Went through this same thing last year. You're in transition, the entire body of Christ is in transition. The "times" (calendar of feasts and sabbaths) of the Gentiles is over. He called me out of the Greek/Roman "Babylon" and it's times and seasons (calendar) and back to his calendar, the Covenant feasts and sabbaths. He's cleaning us up, making us into that Bride without spot and wrinkle. My hunch is that as you seek him on this more, he will probably bring you into covenant with a group of people who are heading this same direction.
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Post by Charys »

I've met a lot of people going through this. Some say "I'm not being fed," and continue to search for the perfect group to "meet their needs." (I say if you're not being fed it's time to pick up a spoon, or maybe learn to make your own sandwich.)

Some people form groups based on one major idea or emphasis. They gather others around them with the same passion or experience, but after a while end up excluding anyone who doesn't emphasize the same thing. My husband jokes that three blind men who were healed by Jesus got together to discuss their experiences. One was healed immediately, one needed a second touch and one had the mud and spit treatment. They ended up splitting up to form the True Church of the One Touch, First Church of the Second Touch and the Mud-in-your-eye Community Fellowship.

Yes, there are times when the Lord calls us aside to learn from him in the desert, but it's for a season and not meant to be a life style.

We also have to examine what "church" means. Does it really mean mandatory attendance at the edifice on the corner on Sunday morning at 10:30?

Does loyalty to a local fellowship keep us from associating with the greater worldwide Body of Christ?

What does it mean to be part of the family of God? (God lets you pick your friends, but he assigns your relatives, because there are some people you would probably never associate with unless you had to. This is how he hones our people skills when we are young --or old.) Family is famly, no matter how irritating they can be.

The scripture says:
Hebews 10
19 Therefore, brothers, since we have confidence to enter the holy places by the blood of Jesus, 20by the new and living way that he opened for us through the curtain, that is, through his flesh, 21and since we have a great priest over the house of God, 22let us draw near with a true heart in full assurance of faith, with our hearts sprinkled clean from an evil conscience and our bodies washed with pure water. 23 Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for he who promised is faithful. 24And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, 25 not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near.

For some people meeting together may involve two or three others to serve and love and work with and learn from and to whom they are accountable. For some ths may mean worshipping with 4000 of their most intimate friends in a re-purposed arena.

We have responsibilities in our relationhip with God as individuals, but we also have responsibilites in our relationship to God corporately -as a body, as a family. There is something about corporate worship, corporate prayer and corporately working together that is so much more powerful than isolated devotion.

We NEED each other. Prophetic people are told that their words need to be judged and discerned by other prophetic people. I have met too many who think they have no need of others because the Lord tells them everything they need to know. 1 Corinthians 13 makes it clear we only perceive in part. It is possible to take your piece of the puzzle and run with it, having truth, yes, but not being aware of the bigger picture. We need to learn to exercise all the gifts in love for the purposes of building up the big C Church -and for picking up the homework assignments that teach us to love as we are loved.

Damage which has occured in past relationship needs to be healed in relationship -and that is best done in family.

The "institutional church" needs reform, major reform; we know that. I just think that creating more denominations or isolating ourselves from other believers does not build up , or edify, the Church, which the Lord created for our benefit and which he says will prevail.

...that I might know Him...
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Post by Warrior Princess »

Amen, Charys. Very good word. We've been given the ministry of reconciliation. One of my assignments is "cross-polination." Spirit needs Truth and Truth needs Spirit. He's bringing all the parts and pieces together into one. When that happens...glory!
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Post by imavessel »

Yep! SUre is something about corporate worship. Love it, L O V E it!

As for the rest, I agree with all that has been said. Like I said, just really have not been sure why this is.

Know that it is not what I would have expected--or even wanted-going from someone there at EVERY service and EVERY work day and always doing "something" to seemingly wandering from place to place to place.

I agree very much withthe transition part also.

Yes, yes it has been----in so many ways.
God isn't looking for perfect vessels, simply willing ones . . . :)