Ex-husband got married but kept it a secret from me

[silentqueen]

Hello beloved Sisters and Brothers,

This dream occurred this morning between 2-3 a.m.

I was visiting my ex-husband's house. I was seated at a table with his current girlfriend and two of two of her friends. We were just making small talk and I noticed a wedding band on her left hand.

I knew they were married at that point and so I asked. She said, "Yeah we just went ahead and did it."

Her friend made a comment to me, "If you handle your business correctly, the same thing will happen for you."

I was not pleased with this comment because this was a stranger who knows nothing about me. In fact, I started to get angry but I said nothing. I asked his new wife if I could talk to him and she said, "Yes, he's upstairs."

So I excused myself from the table and went upstairs to see him. When I saw him, he immediately covered his left hand. I asked him, "Did you get married?"

He put his head down and reluctantly said, "Yes, I went ahead and married her. I'm sorry I didn't tell you, but I really didn't want to tell you." He sounded so remorseful.

Then I looked at him. He had a piercing in his right brow and an earring in right ear. I was so shocked at the change.

EOD

My ex-husband is not and never was a fan of piercings. He doesn't even have a tatoo. When my son had his ears pierced, he went ballistic. We've been divorced for almost two years. He has nothing to hide from me.

Any thoughts on this one?

Marla

[silentqueen]

Is it possible that this is in reverse?

[bella]

Hi Marla

I'm not saying this is from God but as I read, I just wondered if this woman has been a strong influence on your ex and he's end up doing a number of things you know are not "him".

Have you checked whether he has actually married his girlfriend?

I once had a dream where I saw a friend's hand with a wedding ring and just KNEW he and his fiancé had married. Turns out they had married just prior to that dream.

[silentqueen]

Hi Bella,

I talked to him yesterday and told him about the dream. He said he isn't interested in marrying again. Thank you for mentioning her possible influence over him. It reminded me of something.

What I've noticed since Thanksgiving is her trying to ingratiate herself with our children and my Godmother. She is possibly trying to change his mind about marrying her. She could very well try to influence him into doing things he wouldn't ordinarily do.

Thanks Bella!

Marla

[bella]

Wondering if she even knows that your ex doesn't want to marry again.

What can happen is that two people start out with the understanding that the relationship isn't heading towards marriage, but then emotions change and people feel closer and want that extra official step. Especially if they're sleeping together.

And if she doesn't know his thoughts on not remarrying, is she ingratiating herself or just trying to make things go smoothly in what she sees as a normal progression? Know what I mean?

Friends of mine dated for years, until several men from church said to him "you need to marry her or let her go". He asked me for my opinion. *awkward*. Anyway, I later found out that they had broken up and that she was engaged to someone else. All very quick. If, all along, she had an expectation that the relationship would lead to marriage, then that's several years wasted by this guy. And he has a history of dating and the women finally getting jack of waiting so they dump him. Especially aweful for women who are hoping to still have children. Men who do that are robbing women of one of the most important things - THE most important thing - that can happen to them in their life.

It's not so bad if the women don't want children or are past that age, but still ... It can be a robbery unless both parties know the ground rules.

[silentqueen]

I do know what you mean. She's possibly under the impression that if she continues on this course, he will change his mind and marry her. He told me he shared with her more than once that he doesn't want to marry again. She does love him and I can imagine how she feels.

Since he and I are still friends, I will say something to him about it. She's investing time and effort into the relationship and the return she's hoping for is marriage. If he really has no plans to marry her, he needs to make it clear again so she doesn't have the expectation that her investment into the relationship is going to pay off. It isn't fair to her.

Yet, I have to be careful to not overstep the boundaries of our friendship. I will pray and ask for wisdom on what to say. I don't want it to be perceived as I want him back. That ship has sailed for me. God delivered me from it and I can't be unequally yoked again. He has no desire to make Jesus Lord over his life. It's a house divided for me.

Thanks again.