Loss of Identity Card

[bjcollin]

I had the following dream last night/early this morning,..

I was with my wife at the base pass and ID office. I was applying for a new common access card (CAC) id card. I got one, and I put it into the green tote bag that I carry with me to church every week along with a lot of other paper work. My wife and I left the office, and we went to the gates of the base to get on the base. The gate guard stopped us and asked me for my id, which is normal. However, I now could not for the life of me find the id card anywhere. I did not have it on me, and I was searching through the green bag frantically and I was showing the gate guard that I had every other id imaginable like my birth certificate, my drivers license, my passport, my social security card etc. In the end I was denied access, so I had to turn around and leave the base, so as I was trying to turn the vehicle around there was a warning siren and a red flashing light going off denoting that I was denied access. When I was waking up from the dream, I heard the Lord's voice say that I was valuing that identity more than I was valuing my identity in Him! Ouch, I had to pray and repent this morning as I want my identity to be found in Christ.

in Christ,

[HisBlood]

Wow, that’s definitely an “ouch”. I’ve been getting some of those, too
So many changes! The new season we are coming into, won’t look the
way we think it will

[keilani]

Why, oh why, upon reading this today did I hear Eminem singing "Lose Yourself"????

[bjcollin]

Keilani,

Ok, so now I am a bit confused on the song vs the dream... I am not into rap type of music at all, but I watched the video and listened to the song on YouTube last night. I had to ask one of my co-workers who is into rap about the song. So if I understand the song right, then the theme or message of that song seems to say "this is my one shot at making it happen". The song is about the white rapper Enimen's life and trying to make it in the rap scene in Detroit at the time, so he was like a fish out of water and he feared choking on the mic before he hit it big at that time.

I took this particular dream just to be a correction from the Lord on how I view my personal identity from my job, which my identity needs to be more in line with how He says my identity in Him is. I need to view my identity from God's standpoint.

However, the song message (even if it is an ungodly song I know the Lord uses many different ways to get His point across) is not without merit in my life at the current time... Yes, I do feel similarly to this as a pastor without a church sometimes... I have times when I feel attacked by the enemy and I feel worthless, and helpless, and unaccomplished with what God has called me to. I mean how can I be a pastor without a church? I feel like a failure in that I have helped many ministries open and start their churches, but I can't seem to get our own ministry off the ground at all on it's own and starting a church solo with very little resources seems impossible to do. I feel like I am either headed for a crash spiritually (i.e. my car crash dream) very soon or God will have to do something and move in a way that only He can do. Maybe I am not called to be a local church pastor after all, maybe I am only called to be itinerant, or maybe I am just called to be a church member and be at my job until I retire and then go into whatever is next in our retirement years. I don't know what the totality of what God has called me to, and other than these few correction dreams and warning dreams... He seems pretty silent with me lately, and if He would show me or speak to me on what to do I would do it in a heartbeat, so maybe I am not pressing into Him enough? If I seem to be grasping at straws, that is just how I feel lately.

Thank you.

in Christ,

[keilani]

Aww bj <3 <3! Yes, God does use songs--I have come to the realization that if He can use a donkey, He can use anything to get his point across so I listen for Him even if it sounds crazy at the time! I had to google the song to read through the lyrics myself and the thing I grasped was never give up, you will succeed and not fail. But to do that, you have to forget everything that weighs you down, responsibilities, expectations--everything that in your mind makes you "you." Lose yourself, all of that, and then lose yourself in Him, your pursuit to know Him intimately (the music). In that will you find what you're looking for. And don't be surprised if the things He shows you are very different from the expectations you had for yourself.

[keilani]

Oh, I should say when I said never give up, I meant in your pursuit of Him. To God, the motives of our hearts matter and that is what He's looking at. Not the thing we say we want to do because it's for Him.

Short story: so Father told me to start sitting the kids down to talk with them daily about what He's showing them. I told them not to show up without bringing something to feed the others. I also said, when you come, pick the thing that He brings to your memory because that is what He is giving you to share.

My oldest told us a few days into this, "Yesterday, I went to talk to Abba with the intention of getting something to share with you guys. When I stood before Him, He told me, 'No, your motives for coming to me are wrong.' So yesterday, when it was my turn, I had nothing to share but then He suddenly gave me something (from a previous encounter with God) and told me to share that."

**Wrong motives with God is like taking a selfie of your and your significant other, looking fabulous and happy and posting it to get followers or approval. It's all outward and tells a lie because it doesn't show the mess that is happening in the heart, relationship or home. Those things never get to the heart of the matter and our heart is what He wants.

I say this to encourage, never to condemn because I remember those places when I wouldn't hear from Him. Never give up on your pursuit to know Him because He is WAITING to be found! The one thing we encourage each other to do is ask God to show us our hearts and change it so it looks like His. Grace brother!