Blood Almost on My Hands

[Truth Seeker]

My dream lastnight had at least 3 parts to it but really only remember the first part and a little of the second part.

My title is based on the first part of the dream.

The dream started off with me sitting in the driver or seat of I thought in the dream was a plane. I was holding the handle that stears the plane and someone (lady) was giving me instructions from my church IRL. There was a gas pedal that my foot was on and I remember starting to move and as I was moving it felt like whatever I was driving was on some type of tracks like a roller coster.

I was guiding whatever it was and I remember going around curves and not having good control, I was going kind of fast at one point and tried slowing down, the next thing I know I was falling from a deep hight and below me was a pool with some people in it.

I thought as I was falling that I might not land in the pool but on the cement. I felt myself trying to guide myself over the water and I landed in the pool, as I landed in the pool I looked up from where I fell from and I realized that what I was driving or guiding had a lot of passengers and they were falling too. I remember trying to position myself catch some of them but I beleive the scene changed before anyone got to the ground.

I do remember looking the lady who was gave me instructions in the eyes like I knew this was my fault.

The second part or the changing of scenes I was on the phone with someone who I'm not sure was, I could hear him but he couldn't hear me. I was looking at the phone trying to see if something was wrong. I knew the phone call was important. I checked to see if the receiver cord was disconnected and I pushed it in to make sure it was in.

The scene changes some, I was trying to get into a door or building and I couldn't get in then I remember not being able to see the what I was suppose to be seeing and then this guy appeared from my church IRL putting on his suite jacket and then I saw a shadaw on the the ground and I said I can see it now. This shadow was a positive shadow.

That's all I remember at this time.

[Truth Seeker]

I don't have a ministry or anything like that or I'm not part of any group where people follow me, but upon waking up from this dream, I was brought to my knees because I felt like I had to intercede but not sure who to intercede for. I prayed for the safety of my family and the church body I'm a part of.

This is heavy on my heart because it appeared I was leading and guiding people without even knowing it. I don't want to lead anyone the wrong way at anytime.

The second part of the dream leads me to beleive that my hearing (understanding) and seeing (perception) is off.

[peggyo]

Hey Truthseeker!

I think your dream is showing some of the guilt feelings that you must be dealing with--like you have failed and everything is your fault! We know that's a lie, but yet we all struggle with these feelings at times. Possibly you are feeling some accusation coming from your church (whether spoke or unspoken) or might be a religious spirit tendency from within yourself or an outside spiritual source of some kind.

Whether in ministry or not, our lives are all connected with many other people and things that we have influence over. A lot of it is out of our control. Life can seem like a roller coaster.

But your attitude to the dream is right on. Looks humble, repentant, and you are praying for protection for those around you. Possibly you need to forgive yourself and treat yourself with the same respect you would another man in the same situation.

I guess I look at the airplane like a burden that needs to be released to God, and the responsibility of it.

The second portion of the dream makes me think you are checking connections because you are feeling unheard.

Who was the church man in the last part of your dream? Is he a man you see favorably? Maybe that is something you need to take note of for yourself. A shadow is of a same type. Suit also makes me think of this. Coat makes me think of covering, I'm thinking in terms of head of household.

God bless~
Peggy O.

[Truth Seeker]

PO,

Here's the summery of what's going on with me. The church I'm currently attending Ive been a part of it since 1998. In 1993 my wife wanting to leave this church and I didn't really want to but to keep the peace, I agree to change churches. The church was okay but my heart was still with my spiritual father from the church we left.

after being under this new ministry for 3 years, the Lord put my spiritual father on my heart and I tried calling him but couldn't reach him and by the time I tried to reach him again his number was changed. After he remained in my spirit, the Lord gave me a vision where I saw myself back in the church with my spiritual father so I knew I had to go back and see what was going on.

I told my wife about the vision and we agreed that I needed to at the very least visit the church and see what this was all about.

The vision came to past just a I saw it when I went back and I recommitted myself back to the church as well as my family.

Every since I had the first vision of being back to my orginal church I have been having a lot of dreams and visions and things being dropped in my spirit about the ministry and some people there.

I haven't really shared anything with anyone about what I've been seeing and sencing in my spirit since I've been back.

What has really been bothering me is that I know I was called back home for a purpose and me not sharing what I see is starting to bother me to the point I think I might be being disobedient and possibly causing some harm by not saying anything.

God could be calling me back home to be a watchman but I'm not sure. I'm sure that I'm somewhat troubled in my spirit because I'm quite.

I have spoke 2 times in the 4 years since I've been back and both took place last year. The first time was during worship and the pastor is there a word from the Lord and I had been sitting on a word concerning grace for a couple of weeks which I came up and shared with him. The next 3 weeks straight he preached that there may be a prophet amongst us.

The second time which was connected to the first experience because my pastor asked me to be beside him in the pulpit after during the next service when I shared the grace peace with him and during the next service while on the pulpit The Holy Spirit pointed this lady out to me that was a keeper of the altar.

I kept this close to me for a couple of months until one service our pastor asks the congregation to prophecy to a couple of people and I went and found the lady God pointed out to me and told her what God told me she was which was a keeper of the altar. The lady came back to me during the service and said to me that that was a prophetic word that I shared with her and I said I know, I just had not been released to say anything until now.

about 2 weeks later our pastor anounced to the congregation that this lady is a prophetess.

These are only 2 times I shared and I wonder if I should speaking up more because that's what I was called back to the ministry for.

Sorry to unload my burden on you like that.

[peggyo]

TS:

No apology needed for sharing. That is what the body of Christ is here for.

I can understand your angst in the whole thing very well. I think we all struggle with knowing what to say to others and how to say it and when to say it. But the responsibility of that needs to be turned over to God. I know he doesn't want us carrying it. If we make "a mistake" or seem to have a "failure" of some kind it does not make us bad but human. God is so big he can use these things. Not turning over the burden of all this leads to fear. I think it might be harder for men to allow God to shoulder their burden of responsibility but I have struggled here also.

It's hard to respond in a definitive way to the situation though as you have shared it. I know that you have been calling on God for clarity and I know also that God is faithful to bring that.

It seems strange that a pastor would preach for 3 weeks saying "there may be a prophet among us." I'm not sure if he meant it specifically there is a prophet (one) or he was speaking as a generality, because prophets are all over, so that seems strange. I wouldn't let the announcement of the lady being a prophet hinder you in any way though from doing what you believe you are called to do.

I wish I had more to offer you in insight.

Will keep you in prayer for certain TS and your church situation!
Peggy O.

[Truth Seeker]

Thanks PO,

I surely have my fights with fear but I declared to myself that this year fear would be under my feet.

The lady elevated as a prophetess through my pastor wasn't negative but somewhat of a confirmation for me being able to speak those words unto her before our pastor did. The situation helped build some confidence in reference to what the Lord is doing in my life.

I also don't want to be mistaking for seeming like I want to be called by some title because I don't, I just want to do whatever God is asking me to do, the titles don't matter to me.

PO, I thank God for your wisdom, it's helping me a lot.

[Robert159347]

Just one thing to add that everyone on this board should understand. People think that you need to be up on a podium preaching to a mass of people to have a ministry, but to G-d, it's also preaching to someone you see who needs Jesus. It's also a mother telling her children all about Jesus, and how much he loves them. It's also supporting your brothers and sister in Christ, when you know how much they need it, and it's also coming here to Tehillah, and helping the members to interpret their dreams, so that they can hear what G-d is saying to them. The people in that plane are the people who's lives you will affect in the future or have already affected, and how well you do affects them too. So, whether or not you think so Truthseeker, you have a ministry.

G-d Bless!

[Truth Seeker]

Robert,

Thanks for the reminder, it's well taken. For me, my understanding of ministry is the same as you expressed and I know that the Pulpit is only a very small expect of the Kingdom of God and as you clearly stated we all need to come to the understanding or even at times just be reminded that the Kingdom of God is within us so we have the potential through a Christ centered life to draw people from all walks (where ever we go) of life and they become followers so I do see that it is even more important for me to keep myself before His face for guidence etc.

Thanks again Robert and PO, you'll help me see this dream in an expanded light. I beleive this dream is an important dream that I needed to know and understand at the beginning of this year because as I said I'm putting fear under my feet this year but I can't navigate through this year recklessly but by His spirit.